


Assurance

by blackat_t7t



Category: Suits (US TV)
Genre: Angst, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mean Louis, Panic Attacks, that tag is probably for a different fandom but whatever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-13
Updated: 2011-07-13
Packaged: 2019-08-07 06:39:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16403222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackat_t7t/pseuds/blackat_t7t
Summary: Louis tears Mike's confidence down, and then when Harvey lays into him about messing something up, it's all Mike can do to keep breathing.





	Assurance

**Author's Note:**

> Imported from LiveJournal on 10/24/2018
> 
> Original notes: written for a prompt [here](http://suitsmeme.livejournal.com/1110.html?thread=261974#t261974) at suitsmeme : So I was just watching this show and someone had a panic attack. And now I have a visual in my mind of Louis totally screwing with Mike's mind one day (even though Mike has been walking the straight and narrow) and having a panic attack when Harvey starts bossing him around afterwards. Because Ahhh! Pressure! And Harvey has no idea what to do.

 

Louis’ words were still swirling through Mike’s head when he stepped from the office. The young lawyer’s face was drawn and pale with horror, and his hand were shaking. No matter how hard he tried to fight it down, words like “useless,” “liability,” and “incompetent” wormed their way back into the forefront of his mind.

Mike tried to tell himself that this was just Louis trying to mess with him. He was good, and he knew it. As good as any of the other associates here who had graduated from Harvard. He’d gotten the job, hadn’t he? He’d found a way out of every sticky situation he’d gotten into so far, hadn’t he? He wasn’t incompetent!

But no matter what he told himself, Mike’s confidence had been undercut by Louis’ words. His fingers trembled as he went back to the work Harvey had assigned him. He went over it in great detail, making sure everything was in order, every ‘i’ dotted and every ‘t’ crossed. He wanted to make absolutely certain that this forms were filled as perfectly as any Harvard clone could have done.

When he was done, Mike took the documents into Harvey’s office. Donna waved him in when he passed, but Harvey was on the phone. He sounded angry at whoever was on the other end. Mike stood to one side, waiting politely while Harvey spoke. The angry tone in the older man’s voice was unnerving to Mike, and he flinched when Harvey slammed the phone against the cradle.

“What do you want?” Harvey snapped, his eyes flashing.

“The- the, ah, forms you wanted,” Mike stuttered, unable to look into Harvey’s angry eyes.

“I thought I told you to have those to me an hour ago!”

“Yes, but Louis-“ Mike began, but Harvey’s sharp voice cut him off.

“Enough about Louis! He’s not responsible for the work you do! If Louis always interrupts you, then you need to start working around him! Can’t you do anything right? Are you that incompetent?”

Incompetent…

The word echoed in Mike’s head, all other noise fading out. He started to feel light-headed and took a breath, only to find he couldn’t.

Incompetent… Harvey thought he was incompetent. If there was one thing in the world Mike would do anything to avoid, it was disappointing Harvey. But he had.

Mike could see Harvey speaking angrily, gesturing with his hand for emphasis, but the words were drowned out by a rushing in his ears. He couldn’t breathe. He struggled to inhale, but his body wouldn’t obey. His breath came in tiny gasps much too shallow to bring enough air into his lungs.

He had disappointed Harvey. He had let him down, after the man had stuck his neck out for Mike by giving him this job. He _was_ useless.

Mike put a hand to his throat, clutching at it as though he might somehow tear an invisible noose from around his neck. Tears were beginning to well up in his eyes and stream down his cheeks.

Somewhere past Mike’s focus, Harvey broke off his tirade as his associate began to gasp and grab at his throat. At first it didn’t register with Harvey what was going on, then with a bolt of panic he realized that Mike couldn’t breathe. Harvey ran to Mike’s side, putting his hands on his shoulders just as Mike’s knees buckled beneath him. Harvey gently eased Mike to the ground.

Mike’s fingers curled in the fabric of Harvey’s suit, clutching at him for some kind of support. The older man looked down at him with a stricken expression. He glanced towards the door, biting his lip. “Donna!” Harvey yelled. “Call an ambulance!”

He turned back to Mike and shushed him gently, rocking him back and forth like a frightened child. Harvey stroked Mike’s hair away from his face with shaking fingers. “Ssshhhh, Mike. It’s okay, it’s okay. I’m here, I’m right here for you. It’s okay…” Harvey whispered soothingly against Mike’s hair.

Slowly Mike’s lungs began to work again, expanding a little more with each breath as Harvey whispered encouragement to him. Finally Mike was able to draw a complete breath. He gasped a few full, deep breaths, reveling in the sensation of having enough air. Then he collapsed against Harvey’s body, exhausted from the struggle to breathe. He still felt light-headed, and his entire body was bonelessly weak.

Mike was just starting to come back to himself when the EMT’s arrived. Harvey explained what had happened as Mike submitted to the poking and prodding. Finally the EMT took her stethoscope from her ears and asked, “How long have you been having these attacks?”

“Since college,” Mike answered reluctantly, stealing a glance at Harvey.

“What triggers them, usually?”

“If I’m under a lot of pressure, that can do it,” Mike murmured. “But mostly it’s if I…” He saw Harvey watching him intensely, and ducked his head in shame, mumbling as quietly as he could, “If I think I’ve let someone down.”

“I see,” the EMT said, and Mike could hear the displeasure in her voice, although he was grateful she hadn’t repeated what he’d said to Harvey could hear. “Are you on any medication for them?”

“No. They don’t happen very often. Actually, this is the first time in the past year.”

The EMT nodded and stood. She turned to Harvey and said, “He should probably take the rest of the day off.” Harvey nodded mutely, still looking quite shaken. “If it happens again, just do your best to calm him down. They don’t usually last for more than ten minutes. He’ll be fine.”

Harvey thanked her and followed her outside, leaving Mike alone in the room. He thumped his head against the armrest of the couch Harvey had laid him on, muttering “Stupid.” He was probably going to get fired for this, Mike thought. Not only had he disappointed Harvey, but now Harvey knew just how much he could crack when under pressure.

No, Mike told himself, can’t think about that. If he did, he’d have another attack, and that would definitely make Harvey fire him.

He looked up when Harvey came back into the room. Harvey stood by the door, hesitating for a moment, before he crossed the room to where Mike lay. Mike watched him approach with apprehension, waiting for the brick to drop. He knew he was fired.

“You’re taking the rest of the day and tomorrow off,” Harvey said gently, and Mike’s eyes widened with shock. “I’m going to take you home and keep an eye on you.”

Mike blew out a huge sigh of relief, his body shaking with excitement. He felt like he’d dodged a bullet. When Harvey held out a hand to him, Mike took it without question, and let the other man pull him to his feet. Harvey kept his grip on Mike’s hand as they left the office and headed towards the elevators. Mike tried to stop at his desk to pick up some papers, but Harvey tugged him past it, telling him that he wasn’t going to do any more work for the rest of the day.

Mike was silent as Harvey drove him home. He wondered if Harvey was serious about keeping an eye on him after they got back, and how long Harvey was planning on staying.

It wasn’t until the car stopped and Mike got out that he realized they hadn’t come to his apartment. “Where-” he started to ask.

“My place,” Harvey interrupted. “I don’t know where you live, but I do know it’s probably not somewhere I want to spend the next two nights, and I won’t be letting you out of my sight for at least that long.”

“You can’t be serious,” Mike muttered, but one look at Harvey’s face told him that the older man was indeed very serious. “Fine,” he mumbled, “but I’m stealing your clothes.”

Harvey took him up to the apartment, and Mike’s jaw dropped in awe as he looked around. The place was all high-end gadgets and modern designs, with big open windows along one wall like Harvey’s office. He could see a balcony a little bit to the side, but the door wasn’t in the living room.

“Make yourself at home,” Harvey told him before disappearing through a doorway, and Mike gingerly sat on the couch. He turned on the TV, and then shrugged off his suit jacket and removed his tie, laying them over the back of the couch.

When Harvey returned, he too had discarded his jacket and tie, as well as undoing the top few buttons of his shirt. Mike watched him with interest, enjoying the relaxed look. Harvey sat next to him one the couch, his eyes on the TV, though Mike could tell something else was on his mind.

“Mike,” Harvey said at last, and Mike turned towards him, listening attentively. Harvey still did not face him. “I wanted to apologize for what happened this morning.” Mike raised an eyebrow as Harvey went on. “I probably have been giving you too much to do in too little time lately; I’ve put you under too much pressure. And it was completely wrong of me to go off on you like that. I’m sorry.”

“The great Harvey Specter is actually apologizing?” Mike teased gently.

“Yes.” Harvey turned to Mike at last, his mouth twisting into a sarcastic smile. “And it’s probably the last time in your life that you’ll hear it, so enjoy it while you can.”

“Oh, I am,” Mike replied with a smirk. Harvey rolled his eyes at him, a small but genuine smile playing at his lips. They both turned back to the TV, a companionable silence between them.

“Mike,” Harvey murmured thoughtfully after a moment. “You know you can tell me, if it ever gets to be too much, right? I can’t guarantee there will be a lot I can do, especially if we’re in the middle of a big case, but if you tell me maybe I can help somehow.”

Mike shifted awkwardly on the couch, averting his eyes when Harvey turned to look at him. “Well, see, it’s not really the pressure that’s the problem. I mean, it is pressure, but not really that kind of pressure.”

“What do you mean?” Harvey asked gently. Mike sighed and ran a hand through his hair, trying to figure out how to explain this without embarrassing himself.

“It’s not the idea that I need to get so much work done by a certain time that bothers me. It’s the idea that if I don’t… you’ll be disappointed in me.”

Mike could feel Harvey’s eyes on him, but he stubbornly refused to meet the older man’s gaze. “You care that much what I think?” Harvey asked.

“More than anyone else, yes. When I…” Mike swallowed. “When I had my attack earlier today, it was because I thought I’d let you down. Louis –please don’t say never mind Louis; it’s really a big deal for me- he called me into his office earlier. That’s why I couldn’t get the forms done on time. He started telling me… telling me that I was useless and incompetent, and I guess it just really shook me up.”

“And then when I said you were incompetent,” Harvey murmured, and Mike could hear the shame and self-disgust in his voice. He nodded, not able to bring himself to blame Harvey out loud, and the older man passed a hand over his face, looking unbelievably tired. “Mike,” Harvey said at last, “I don’t think you’re incompetent. I think you’re one of the most brilliant people I’ve ever met, and an amazing lawyer. I was angry, and I took it out on you. I shouldn’t have; it was wrong, and I’m sorry.”

Harvey looked incredibly miserable, sitting there blaming himself, and Mike reached out and put a hand on Harvey’s arm to comfort him. To his surprise, the older man reached out and pulled him into a tight hug.

“I never meant to hurt you, Mike,” Harvey murmured against his hair, his voice cracking. “I was so scared when you- when you started…”

“Yeah,” Mike murmured. “But don’t worry; I’m fine. And I forgive you.”

Harvey pulled back and their eyes locked, blue and brown staring intently into one another. Then Harvey leaned forward and pressed his lips against Mike’s in a hard but close-mouthed kiss. It was over almost as quickly as it began, and Harvey turned away and muttered, “I guess I’m sorry for that, too.”

“Don’t be,” Mike said when he found his voice. Harvey looked back at him, a hopeful gleam in his eyes, and Mike pressed forward to kiss him. Their mouths met, soft and warm, surprisingly tender for two so stubborn men.

As they kissed, Harvey pressed Mike back against the couch until he was lying down, Harvey sprawled out on top of him. “Mm,” Mike hummed as the kiss broke and Harvey began to nibble at his neck. “I suppose this would be a good time to say I’ve had a stupid crush on you since we met?”

“I think so,” Harvey replied. “And maybe I have too.” He found a spot on Mike’s neck that made him shudder and arch his body into Harvey’s, and Mike felt a hardness pressing against his thigh.

“Maybe we should take this to your bedroom,” he suggested. Harvey lifted his head and smirked at Mike.

“Or we could stay right here.”

 


End file.
